


The adventures of Brock Rumlow: IT Extrondaire

by Neutralchaos



Series: Brock Rumlow's  (not so) amazing adventures (OR Brock needs to get his shit together and Jack is an asshole about it) [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Attempt at Humor, Brock is not HYDRA, Brock-centric, Crack, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, because I have no idea how to tag lbr, good guy Brock Rumlow, improper use of computers, kinda???, read the summery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-08-10 07:59:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7836637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neutralchaos/pseuds/Neutralchaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brock is an IT guy for SHIELD/the Avengers. this is a look into a week of him at work.</p><p>---on temporary hiatus----</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sandwiches and Super soldiers

**Author's Note:**

> Garotteandgoodnight is a terrible influence and must be stopped.( No I’m just kidding. She is lovely and everyone must bow before her.)Basically Brock is tech support for the avengers/shield (because let's face it Tony cannot do everything, no matter what he thinks) and Each Chapter will cover either one or two days, so some chapters may be longer than others.\  
> Also… SHOUTOUT TO Hobbitual for Betaing this… I don’t even know what to call this anymore tbh… But ALL THE LOVE TO THEM for looking this over and dealing with my bouts if randomness!

MONDAY

The day starts off okay… It’s not like the job is hard for the most part. In fact, most days are more of the same, just simple little “I forgot my password and instead of answering my security questions, I just kept typing in the wrong password until the system locked me out, which is stupid bytheway, so I need you to fix it” jobs. Which, depending on how many times it’s happened before and how nice you worded the job request, either got done right away or “sorry man, I didn’t see the work order, try sending it again?” Working as part of the tech team stationed in Avengers Tower actually isn’t that bad. In fact, Brock looks forward to days when something is actually broken. It helps break up monotony of asking the same stupid questions all the fucking time.

But… Today he’s hungover as all hell, because he decided that drinking with Jack’s strike team buddies was a good idea. It wasn’t. It didn’t help that pretty much all of them were beefy, muscled, badass tactical agents and Brock was… well, Brock wasn’t. However, that’s beside the fucking point. What he was trying to communicate was that, all in all, it’s been a pretty easy day. No broken tech has graced his table, leaving him pretty free to fiddle and stick together different things, to make other things “better”, putting people on hold until they get tired of hearing “hit me baby one more time” and hang up in frustration, until….

"WHY IS THERE A SANDWICH IN HERE? WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA? WHICH FUCKNUGGET  DOES THIS BELONG TO!" he yells to the room at large, sending everyone around scurrying away from the blast zone. He snatches up the work order, taped  **to the fucking bottom of a tower** …  _  why a tower? Who the fuck still uses-... _ Brock pinched the bridge of his nose, took a deep breath and leaning back in his chair, he tried to banish all thoughts of murdering the idiot responsible.

Planting his feet back on the floor, he pushes the piece of junk gracing his desk off to the side, picks up the office phone and dials an extension he has come to memorise (for not the greatest reasons either).

“.......H-hello?”

“Murphy. It’s Rumlow. I have your tower down here on my desk and couldn’t help but notice that the work order is oddly blank in the ‘Problem description’ area…”

“Well, about that-”

“Now, I have a pretty good idea of what’s wrong. In fact it was pretty obvious from the get-go, so that’s not why I’m calling. I’m calling because I would like to know what THE FUCK WAS GOING ON IN YOUR PEA_BRAINED HEAD WHEN YOU FUCKING DECIDED TO SHOVE A SANDWICH INTO YOUR COMPUTER!” 

The explanation, it turns out was, Murphy wanted to make a toasted sandwich and the toaster stopped working. When asked why he just didn’t make something else (the first of  _ many  _ questions, about why Murphy thought it would be a good idea to shove a sandwich into a computer), it takes everything Brock has to not march upstairs and strangle Murphy before dropping him off the roof, as he spends the rest of his day scooping mushy, hummus and falafel out of computer innards. Of course, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t imagine wrapping the wires around someone’s neck…*cough* Issac Murphy *cough*.

TUESDAY 

"For fuck’s sake... Who let Rogers have a touchscreen phone again?" Brock mutters, staring at the mangled device in his hand. It’s not like Rogers is technologically inept. The man is actually a very quick learner. It’s just...

“How do you know it wasn’t Thor this time?” came the question from somewhere off to his right. Brock looks down at the phone he’s cradling in his hand. Right in the middle of the screen is a crack perfectly shaped like a fingerprint. The man really needs to keep in mind that the screens will break under enough pressure. 

“Because it’s still in one piece…” he mutters, filling out the form so he can give the super-soldier a new one, because it was not worth it to fix this one.

Brock was not looking forward to telling Rogers to  _ once a-fucking-gain _ watch his strength. Only because Barnes would be standing right behind him, trying to glare a hole into Brock’s head. In fact, Brock is a hundred percent certain that if Steve weren’t standing right there, they would be pulling his body out of the Hudson.

 


	2. Short Assholes and "Fights"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My Lovelies! My sweet, dear, cranky, baby techs!”  
> “DAMMIT JACK! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO ALWAYS FUCKING LOCK THAT DOOR!” Brock yells, glaring at the man with the stupid facial hair that just entered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you may have noticed that the chapter count went from 4 to ?. well that’s because, I realised that I might have more ideas for this than I originally planned. I don’t think That honestly I’ll write more 7 chapters for this but as of right now, this story is writing itself and I have zero control on what any of these assholes do anymore.  
> P.S. I really do love Tony. I just want to point that out in case it doesn't seem like it here.

**Wednesday** :

“Nononono”  _ THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, “ _ Why me? What kind of asshole was I in a past life? Did I work HYDRA? That must it. That is literally the only fucking explanation.”

“You're being fucking dramatic.” Jack drawls, with a small, secretive smirk, as he hauls in another tower that Murphy has wrecked, barely sparing a glance to the man bashing his head down onto his desk.

“No, I’m not.” Was the petulant mutter from the grown ass man that currently had his face smushed into his desk.

“Yeah you are, but since I have a couple minutes I’ll indulge you acting like a fucking child. Why are you trying to give yourself brain damage?” 

As Brock lifts his head to answer, The door swings open, and-

“My Lovelies! My sweet, dear, cranky, baby techs!” 

“DAMMIT JACK! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO ALWAYS FUCKING LOCK THAT DOOR!” Brock yells, glaring at the man with the stupid facial hair that just entered.

“Ouch” Tony says, placing his hands on his chest, “that wounds me right in my robotic little heart, Brockie-poo.”

“What are you doing here, Brat.” Brock manages through gritted teeth. It’s not that he hates Stark, but… the last time the man had wandered into his domain, Brock spent three days putting everything back in it’s place after Tony had left..

“Why are you so hurtful today? I can’t just drop by and visit one of my favorite people? Is that an actual DELL Optiplex GX270? Why is that ancient piece of crap on your desk? Is your OS that archaic that you need one of those to run it? Because I can-” 

Brock cuts off Stark’s rambling with, “ Listen stark, my house my rules, you don't see me coming into your tower telling you how to run things.”

“Actually you do. Once a week. Twice on the fourth week of the month.” Tony replies, pointing a screwdriver in Brock’s direction, which,  _ when the fuck did he grab that? Did he bring it in with him? _

“In any case, I’ve upped my security. So good luck getting in now, FRIDAY has explicit orders to not let  little baby tech-support agents in there" He finishes, spinning that dammed screwdriver around with a flourish.

“Who are you calling little pipsqueak?!!” Brock sneers, “I’m taller than you.” Brock stands as he finishes to emphasize the height difference.

"I know you wear lifts!" Tony says as blows out a small raspberry at Brock’s hilarious attempt of intimidation.

“You wear fucking heels!” Brock spits out, waving his arms around the area of Tony’s feet.

“What slander is this? I am not!” Tony cried indignantly, as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Yeah, right now at least.” Brock said rolling his eyes.

“Only when Jarvis gives you a map”

Tony’s eyes narrowed, “If I wasn’t the genius that I am, I would think you were trying to pick a fight with my spectacular ass…”

“Little man without his suit of armour.. You really think you can take me on?”

“OH FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE DWARF!” Stark pulls his jacket off over his head and throws it off to one side.

“BRING IT!” Brock yelled, leaping forward onto the other man’s back like an angry cat with his arms around his neck.

“ow, that my fucking hair!"

"My dead grandmother slaps harder than that"

"Did you just give me a wet willy!?"

"ew! get your ass out of my face!"

Neither of the two assholes slapping at each other and pulling hair while trying to stay on their feet and not trip over themselves, noticed the giant of a man standing in the corner. Neither of them notice Jack smiling to himself, neither of them see or hear him whenever Brock lands a hit of any kind, cheering “Damn that was a good hit for a weedy desk jockey!”

“Are you trying to choke me asshole? Least do it properly if you're going to try that."

"Bet you're shit in bed if that's your best effort. Honestly, I feel sorry for Jack."

"SON OF A BITCH! biting? Really?"

“What, we aren't all three here?”

“Oh sorry, my mistake, I forgot - you're the height of a kindergartener that must make you four.”

The door behind Jack scraped open, and-

“What hell?”

“HE STARTED IT!” Both men shout, before continuing to pinch and slap at each other.

Rhodey cannot believe what he’s seeing. When Pepper sent him to track Tony down he was not expecting to walk in on Tony and Brock rolling on the floor bitch slapping at each other. Although, he probably should’ve, given everything else that he’s walked in on Tony doing in the past. Rhodey reaches down, being careful avoid the rows of teeth now gnashing at each other, and tries to haul Tony off the floor like an unruly puppy.


	3. Bets and Budget Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh, heh, So I'm sorry this took nearly a month. I have no (good) excuse.   
> Un-beta'd

WEDNESDAY (Yes still… it’s just a bit later in the day)

Later, after he whines a bit ( a lot) at Jack and Jack has humored him by helping him patch up his “boo-boos”(why are there so many ‘Hello Kitty’ bandaids? Why does Jack even have ‘Hello Kitty’ bandaids?’), when he gets The Call.

_ “Hey Rumlow, So the internet connection isn’t working over in Accounting…  I need you go down to the server room and check to see if an Ethernet cable is unplugged. Thanks.” _

Four hours later finds one very irate Brock stumbling out the elevator muttering something about going blind because a fucking sea of yellow cables. Looking at the time on his phone he lets out a groan, because he still has another 2 hours left in his shift. Maybe he’ll get lucky and he can just lose himself in mindless little phone games until he gets to go home.

Nope. Why would that happen? Brock thinks as he enters his little work space to find one bandaged up tony stark spinning around in Brock’s chair like he owned the place. Which well…fuck. 

“I hope you know I had to go and get a fucking rabies shot, you asshole.”

“Rhodey made me come down here to give you this fucking basket of muffins.” 

Both men glared at each other. Both blaming the other for starting the fight. Both thinking of which social media account to hack into and to fully embarrass the other. Brock breaks the little staring contest first, when he glances past the ridiculously sized basket of muffins and sees...another fucking tower. There’s something oozing out of the cd drive for this one.

“Look,” Brock says with a sigh, he’s getting too fucking old to keep arguing with Tony “giant man child” Stark, “I actually have shit to do, Stark. So unless you plan on making yourself useful, get lost.”

“What kind of shit?” 

Brock leveled him with the deadest stare he could remember Jack ever doing to him and gestured to the machines sitting in right in front of the other man. 

“You’re actually going to fix these throwbacks to the dark ages… Why?”

“Because they’re the only fucking pieces of crap that Murphy will use and since he broke so many of them, we’re not allowed to buy new ones. So since I’m the only fucking person that seems to not be able to catch him the fucker to throttle him, I’m stuck fixing the stupid things.”

“Well, it can’t be that hard, I bet I could even do it in half the time it take you.”

“Oh yeah, wanna bet?” Brock asked with a chuckle, Looking over at Stark with a challenging smirk on his face. 

Tony plastered a smirk of his own on his face, “What would be the stakes for a bet like that?”

“The server room. It’s a fucking mess. The cords are fucking everywhere and it’s impossible to tell which cord is for which floor.” Brock says plopping his ass down on the desk and crossing his arms over his chest, “Loser has to go down there, sort them out, colour code them and make up a chart so everyone can read it easily.” Tony shoots up, and holy fuck he must be bored, if he’s going to take Brock up on this. 

“Done.” He says as he hurries over to grab one of the towers. Brock waits until Tony is almost out the door before he yells out, “You can’t get JARVIS to help you!”

“FUCK!”

 

_ To:  _ [ _ B.Rumlow@itshield.org _ ](mailto:B.Rumlow@itshield.org)

_ From: _ [ _ IamIronMan@StarkIndustries.com _ ](mailto:IamIronMan@StarkIndustries.com)

_ Subject: WHAT THE FUCK _

_ There is melted cheese in oozing out of the USB port. WHY IS THERE MELTED CHEESE? I think it’s cheese. I feel like I should be sending it down to the labs for biological testing.  _

_ T.Stark _

_ To:  _ [ _ IamIronMan@StarkIndustries.com _ ](mailto:IamIronMan@StarkIndustries.com)

_ From: _ [ _ B.Rumlow@itshield.org _ ](mailto:B.Rumlow@itshield.org)

_ Subject: re:WHAT THE FUCK _

_ It might be vegan cheese. Or egg. I think. I stopped trying to guess what he puts into these a long time ago. Also, I’m finished fixing mine. So… _

_ SUCK IT TONY STANK! I FUCKING WIN!  _

_ B.Rumlow _

 

_ To:  _ [ _ B.Rumlow@itshield.org _ ](mailto:B.Rumlow@itshield.org)

_ From: _ [ _ IamIronMan@StarkIndustries.com _ ](mailto:IamIronMan@StarkIndustries.com)

_ Subject:re: WHAT THE FUCK _

_ You know what, Rumlow? I don’t care. Whatever the fuck this is, just waved at me. IT WAVED. This is no longer an engineering issue. I’m sending the whole damn thing to Bruce because, ew, biology.  _

_ Also, fuck you, you cheated somehow. I don’t know how yet but you must have and I’m going to figure it out. I’ll organize your fucking server on server room on Friday apparently. Seeing as both Rhodey and Pepper have suddenly cleared my schedule especially for that (traitors).  _

_ Go fuck yourself _

_ T.Stark. Bad Ass. _

 

_ To:  _ [ _ B.Rumlow@itshield.org _ ](mailto:B.Rumlow@itshield.org)

_ From: _ [ _ V.Potts@StarkIndustries.com _ ](mailto:V.Potts@StarkIndustries.com)

_ Subject: Budget Changes _

_ Good evening, _

_ Due to a recent review of the IT budget, we have decided to add in a new portion. This newest addition is to be called (as per Mr.Stark’s request) “FUBAR” is for the sole purpose of replacing computers that have been in Agent Murphy’s care.  _

_ Sincerely, _

_ V.Potts. C.E.O Stark Industries. _


	4. Fucking Gods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor is an asshole and can just fuck right off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummmm... so I'm sorry??? I really did not mean to leave this for so long.

THURSDAY  


Brock was happy. Genuinely happy. His coffee order hadn’t been fucked up (for once), traffic wasn’t a total bitch to get through, he no longer would have to clean out whatever gunk Murphy shoved into a computer and, best of all, he got to tell Tony Stark to suck it. He couldn’t wait for Friday, so he could skip on down to the server room and gloat. Actually that reminded him, he should really check the SD card on his camera tonight. Nah, Fuck it. I’ll buy a new one, he thought to himself as he settled into his chair and turned on his tablet to check for work orders.    
Now see, Brock should’ve known. He should’ve seen this coming, because if there was one thing that universe love to do, it was fuck Brock Rumlow’s day up. No really. There was probably a sign written somewhere that read “In case one B.Rumlow is having a good day, please break glass” and inside of the glass would be the disaster chosen for that day. His first clue should have been when he heard thunder rumbling outside, but due to a sudden increase in common fucking sense, everyone all at once knew how to properly use and access their technology. So he had his headphones and heard nothing. His next clue came in the form of his tablet powering down, despite the full charge on it. Looking down at it, Brock pulled his headphones out and noticed a the few other techs in the shared space, looking at their own devices with the same confusion that must have been written all over his own face.  
It was the lights that flickered the teeniest bit that had every single person in the room running around the room trying to hide any and all projects. Cell phones were thrust into desk drawers, laptops were shoved under piles of paper, and Brock was leaping over his desk to try and lock the door before-“FRIENDS!” - and the door burst open.  
Standing there, looking entirely too cheery, was the God of Thunder himself. Here, specifically ruin Brock’s day. Great.  
“No! Get out!” He shouts, there is no way that this is going to end well for any of the tech in his sanctum.  
  
  
“I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT I MUST SEE ONE OF YOU MOST CLEVER TINKERERS IF I WISH TO HAVE MY COMMUNICATION THINGY FIXED”  Thor waves around...Well Brock has no idea what Thor has in gigantic hands. From where he’s standing it looks like a mess. And not a fixable mess at that.  
  
Brock takes a deep breath in and slowly lets it out. Looks back at the mangled piece of technology in the god’s hand and…

 

“Someone get this curse upon technology out of my tech centre!” he yells. He’s really trying to be good right now, really, he is. But if they don’t get Thor out of there a.s.a.p. He’s going to kill every last piece of tech they have. Someone, Brock really doesn’t know their name, is (gently) pushing Thor back towards the door while explaining that they really can’t help him right now but maybe another time. They almost have him out of the tech centre when Brock realises that he should add, “and for the love of fuck, do not let him touch the button for the doors on his way out! We’ll be trapped in here until lunch tomorrow!”

 

He says it just in time too, Thor has his hand extended and hovering above said button, so Brock walks over, slaps his hand away from it and pushes the button himself. Crisis averted, he thinks, when....

“YOUR MIDGARDIAN TECHNOLOGY IS SO VERY FRAGILE, AND PUNY… TIS A SHAME THAT IT CANNOT WITHSTAND THE SMALLEST OF TOUCHES. HAVE YOU CONSIDERED MAKING IT MORE MIGHTY?” Thor asks, standing there looking as if he’s given the most wonderful suggestion in the world. Honestly, if Brock wasn’t… well, Brock, he might’ve found the proud expression the demi-god’s face to be endearing. Instead, he sees red at the word puny and leaps onto to the thunder god’s back, screeching, “I’ll shOW YOU PUNY!” as he attempts to try and tackle the god to the ground. All Thor does (the bastard) is laugh and really, who can blame him? Because to anyone viewing the “fight”, Brock looks a like a small child trying to get a piggy back ride.

“PLEASE, FRIENDS. MAY ONE OF YOU PLEASE ASSIST IN RETRIEVING THE TINY ANGRY MAN? I AM CONCERNED HE MAY INJURE HIMSELF.” Thor booms, to the very suddenly empty room. Puzzled Thor turns around, ignoring the fact that Brock is now kicking at his sides.

“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING TINY, YOU OVERSIZED BARBIE DOLL!” Brock yells, wishing he enough leg strength to lock his legs around Thor’s giant waist, so he could punch at his stupid bearded face. Thor simply raises one of his arms to reach behind himself and grabs Brock by the scruff of his neck.

"THOUGH YOUR STATURE MAY BE SMALL, YOUR VALOUR IS MIGHTY LITTLE ONE" He states, his tone impressed as he holds Brock at arms length, to avoid any flailing limbs.

Later, when Jack comes in to pick him up because finally one of the assholes he works with decided to tell his boyfriend what happened (and what happened is Thor is a Dick. He got tired of “playing” with Brock and simply hung him by his shirt collar on a hook in the coat closet before telling him that he would come back another time to discuss how to improve upon their primitive technology. And all of the pricks he worked with pretended that they couldn’t see him for the rest of the day. Jack can’t remember the last time he laughed that hard.) Brock is still mad and plotting ways to try and make a god disappear.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  


 


	5. NOT A CHAPTER!!!!!!

Hey so, just a little update for all of you following this story, I'm putting it on a temporary hiatus. Why?? Because...I've sort of lost all inspiration for this story. Which sucks. I'm hoping that it comes back sometime soon and I can complete this =) (seeing as its only maybe 2-3 more chapters) 

So yeah. Sorry... 

 

-Chaos-

**Author's Note:**

> I'm On Tumblr @neutralchaos915 ^^ come and talk me about things!!!!


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